I owe all men an apology...
I used to scoff and roll my eyes when you went on and on about how women were so different and complicated. I probably even told a few of you to fuck off when you got going on that. I wrote it off as simple chauvinism. But then I had an experience that changed my perspective: I tried to have sex with a woman.
My first experience was with a life-long lesbian, and, given her experience and comfort with the whole thing, she took the lead. I wasn't really aware of that because, as a life-long heterosexual, it didn't play out all that differently from the encounters I'd had with men (until we started touching each other, that is). A few months later I met Jen through a mutual friend. Jen and I had a lot in common and as we chatted we learned we had something very interesting in common: we both wanted to have sex with another woman. This revelation came very early in our friendship, and we were obviously attracted to each other, so it seemed inevitable we would end up in bed together. Jen had never been with a woman before, though, so as the more experienced person I ended up taking the lead, taking the male role.
So there we were, two young, healthy, horny women, hot for each other. I figured getting her naked would be no big deal. Was I fucking mistaken. We went on date after date, talking endlessly about who knows what. The whole time I couldn't relax - I kept trying to read her signals, what she said, her body language, trying to figure out if tonight would be the night. It was very strange - I usually loved talking with girlfriends, but this just made me feel exhausted and stupid. What was I doing wrong? Why couldn't I make it happen? And then it dawned on me: this is what guys do ALL THE TIME.
So we did eventually do it, and we had a great time. I thought after that I would be more relaxed, but I was wrong again. It did get easier with each successive encounter, but only slightly. I still felt that pressure to read her mind. Only after 3 or 4 times did I finally feel comfortable with her, and then she moved out of town. We still email and see each other occasionally.
So guys, I have seen into your world, and I can say now, you definitely have it tougher than we do. I feel your pain. And ladies, if you're reading this, go easy on them. If you want to get it on, just let them know. They're killing themselves trying to figure it out. And that's just getting in the way of some potentially good fucking.
6 Comments
Clearly you can't stop annoying men.
i've been saying it for a few years now, i have the utmost respect for guys who put up with womens bullshit...we are all nuts!!! myself included!!! lol
Here's a few more secrets revealed!
If she orders chicken fingers, cheese sticks, a basket of French fries or any other finger food….she’s totally into you.
If she orders a smoothie, milkshake, or any other beverage topped with whip cream…she is attempting to sexually excite you.
If she orders a salad…her feelings for you are ambiguous.
If she orders chicken wings, ribs, or anything with extra onions….you disgust her and she’s trying to gross you out so you won’t make a move on her later.
If she orders a steak and lobster combo or any other ridiculously expensive meal…she’s either a gold digging whore or you’re so insufferably boring that she feels the only way to properly compensate herself for the time she wasted with you is to at least eat something decadent.
If she just orders booze….of course she likes you! She likes everyone! Now will you please help her find her shoe?
Stop giving away all our secrets!
Finally, some empathy
Amen.